Title (as given to the record by the creator): How have your lovers responded to your body size?
Date(s) of creation: Issue 5: April 1996
Creator / author / publisher: FaT GiRL
Physical description: Two zine pages with typed text in two columns
Reference #: FG5-044-045-Survey
Links:  [ PDF ]

How have your lovers responded to your body size?

Positive, one had some problems with it, others have not. They either wanted to kneed me like bread dough or they would say “acres and acres and it’s all mine”.

Very well.

Very positively. My current lover is much smaller than I am, about 75-85 pounds less. She thinks I’m fabulous. My last lover was larger than I by 50 pounds or so. 

Fine—I guess if it bothered them we wouldn’t have become lovers in the first place. They have always enjoyed touching me, lying with me, being warmed by my nonstop internal heater. A little over a year into a relationship that lasted 6 years, my then lover told me that, although she had loved me early on and loved lying with me being lovers, it had taken her that whole year to reach a point where she could actually look at me and still love me. Whew! That was a hard thing to hear and took some work on both our parts for me to want to continue in that relationship. On the other hand, I was staying at her home during a visit after I had moved away from that town, and ended up having a little fling with one of her housemates. Her housemate saw me walking from the bathroom after a shower, towel draped casually over one shoulder, body naked, and she found me quite attractive (and this is someone who meets the traditional [het male] standards of beauty herself). How could I not take her up on an offer of  ‘I find you very attractive, would you please let me make love to you?’ It was a delightful few days…  They seemed to be having a good time. Me too. 

Only positively—they wouldn’t be my lovers otherwise. My first S/M top was someone I lusted after in a big way. She didn’t seem quite so much into me, though, such that I ventured to ask her if she was really interested in dating me or just hanging out. She got very offended, but I really wanted to know so that I wouldn’t throw myself at her just to feel rejected. We dated about a month more, and we’re still on good terms. She told me about a personal ad she placed, and when it was coming out. I checked it out, and it specifically mentioned she was looking for someone who was ‘not fat. What an asshole. I wish she had been up front in the first place. I did not need to find out (and from a personals ad which I wouldn’t have otherwise come across) that I had submitted my body to someone who found it/me repulsive. It has been that much more difficult to believe women when they tell me they desire me. I always suspect they are lying. 

Most have accepted or ‘worked around’ it. My one lover seemed to enjoy my body a lot. She was not really skinny, but not what you’d call fat, either. She once commented on my stretch marks while we were having sex, touching them and saying they reminded her of being pregnant (a very positive experience for her). Even though her comment was meant to be positive I didn’t like her drawing attention to my stretch marks. 

Most of my women lovers have taken pains to show me how much they lust after my body. I feel sorry for them, because even when their lust is undeniable quick, shallow breathing, dripping cunts, wandering hands and having trouble restraining themselves from just grabbing—I have a hard time really believing them. Or if I do, I think, “What’s wrong with them?” and think at some level that they are too strange and freakish for me to understand, to love and want me like that. Current lover (life-partner) constantly tells me that she LOVES the way I look and that she thinks I’m sexy. 

Lately — great. They love my body, and it’s gratifying. In the past I’ve had lovers who insulted me, including one who was fat. Talk about projection! 

Mixed. Some love my size, some tolerate it, some were always on me to diet. 

Mostly positively. My longest and/or most intense relationships (capital-R or tricks or flings or what have you) have always been when I was bigger rather than smaller. (I’ve dieted down to 140 lbs and was sick and miserable and my lover left me…) I won’t play with someone who has issues about my body size. Period. I remember one of my lovers (the only thin one ever, ironically) being the one to sit me down and say, ‘Honey, you’re bulimic and you’re killing yourself. I want you to see a doctor NOW!!! Thank god I listened. 

Usually, enthusiastically. 

She blamed me for her weight gain. Like she wasn’t larger to begin with! But, then, she wasn’t comfortable with life in general, so I tend to discount her aversion. 

Some love it! Some don’t care! Some seem to want to be with me “in spite of my size.” Some are afraid that I’ll crush them in bed! 

I have been in the same relationship for a long time, and my size has varied during that time. However, my girlfriend has been attracted to me, and appreciative of me, in all of my incarnations. 

I’ve only been involved with people who find my size appealing 

Fine…once I stopped dating girls who liked me “in spite of my size” or said things like “I never think of you as big.” I get more offers at this size than I ever have before. 

I don’t believe any have liked it for itself. My current lover accepts me as a complete package. I stopped seeing a previous lover because I always felt self-conscious they would stare fixedly at my belly when I undressed, and often remarked that they wished they could get their arms all the way around me. 

My lover hated it when I was thin for a while after being very ill. She said my hip bones hurt when she was on top of me and she was afraid of injuring me. She is much sexier when I am heavier. 

I’ve had different responses that ranged from mild disgust to great desire. I had one lover say “I’m not attracted to your body…so I must really love you. Right?” That same lover once told me “You’re fat, BUT you’re graceful” (like the two qualities were mutually exclusive). My current lover is my size (almost exactly) and she says she loves my body, but she doesn’t see the beauty in her own body. And I’m like that too sometimes (i.e. I think her body is beautiful, but I can’t understand what she sees in mine.) Go figure! 

Anyone who responded negatively is now an ex. 

Some really well. My lover right now loves my ass, which is the biggest part of me. Some badly, commenting when I’ve gained. 

Miss First Time (thin) was supposedly in love with me, but after months of aggressively courting, winning and fucking me, she told me she was worried about my health, and then when pressed, that she found “it” unattractive. I cut her off, but she kept coming back, saying she wanted to fuck me again so I wouldn’t feel bad about myself. I told her to fuck her charity. She also admitted she would want to go out with me still if I had a different body! I know her reaction to me was about her problems, and our relationship didn’t work for other reasons, but it hurt. 

Enthusiastically. 

Mostly positive. My first lover was fat-phobic, but I learned quickly and since then they’ve all been loving of my body.